Life and You
https://aimnigeria.blogspot.com/2015/09/life-and-you.html
According to Selye (1968), stress is a non specific
response of the body of any demand. Simply put, stress can be understood as a
conditional intolerable strain, wear and tear, hardship, pressure, force and
adversity. It is also seen as unhealthy reaction to variety of factors of
bodily reactions to adverse circumstances. In 1930s when rats were subjected to
repeated noise or electric shock, they always exhibit the same biological
response. As an analogy to the term used for testing of metal resistance, the
word “stress” was coined.
Stress, when well managed, can be a
positive and helpful aid in life. Adapting to the situation is good or
“positive stress” which increase one’s alertness, attention span and
concentration. If one does not adapt to the situation, the energy produced will
be responsible for bad or “negative stress” which can have physical and
emotional consequences. According to Ejiogu (1989) each individual is unique in
response to stress. In other words, different individual will respond
differently to the same stress stimulus given the same environmental factors and
personal habits.
SOURCES OF
STRESS
Anxiety
and tension when it is too much could lead to inability to relax sudden change
in mood, discomfort, fear, depression, aggression, frustration, anger, one been
demolished because of one failure, living deceitful life to yourself; that is
deceive yourself, lack of planning, aiming to high, not doing things when you
are chance, looking out for perfection all the time, in which it can not come
all the time, counting only on yourself, lack of attention, listening,
respecting your body and body condition to know what your body needs at a time
or what your body system is communicating to you.
Conflict situation:
within one’s self, the environment, and other people could generate severe
tension and stress.
Academic pursuits: consistent
failure to meet up with academic goals, like exams, lecture period, assignment,
test etc for some period of time could induce one to stress situation.
Social situations:
The inability to relate with others perceived as important in one’s life.
Unbearable Financial
Burden: Inability to meet up with basic financial
needs health problems (sickness or ill-health). All types of chronic diseases,
terminal diseases, serious injury, disability etc. tend to promote stress.
Environment problems: some
people are stressed by heat, cold and pollution and natural happening.
Matrimonial circumstances: an
unhappy and healthy marriage could lead to separation and divorce which could
trigger off anxiety and stress or infertility, infidelity or various other
marital problems like lack of commitment to one partner by going out to other
male and female outside, could affect and expose spouse to great deal measure
of stress.
Job – Related problems: over
the years many people have been known to slump down in office while at work.
Others, particularly chief
executives develop stress which could lead to high blood pressure, stroke and
consequently death. On the other hand, joblessness, suspension, refreshment,
punitive transfer, lack of proper division of work/labour because of
unwillingness to pay in more worker to help make work easy in government works
and private sectors like companies owned by individual could cause stressful
situation if not well managed and in time. Also strained relationship at work
place between an employee, his superiors, subordinate and colleagues etc. could
promote stressful situation.
Competitive environment: Competitions
of all types including sports competition are stress. Also stress can also
develop when we are filled with sense of guilt, dreams, isolation, insecurity,
lack of or over motivation, disappointments, lack of confidence, over
confidence and with many others.
Types of stress
Apart from stress associated with
competition, environment, skill performance and achievement, there are three
other broad of types of stress classified according to their duration and the
difficulty in controlling them. The three types are:
1.
Acute stress
2.
Chronic stress
3.
Traumatic stress
Acute stress: this
results from strains of every day life. Stress of this nature often arises from
the unpleasant situations which could be urgently addressed. Since such
situations are incidental and only temporal, acute stress can usually be
managed or controlled.
Chronic
stress: while acute is temporal, chronic stress is long term. The victim
sees no way out of the stressful situation which could be entrenched in e.g the
woes of poverty and misery or joblessness, serious family problems etc.
whatever be the cause, chronic stress grinds away its victim day by day, week
after week, month after month. The worst aspect of chronic stress is the after
some time the victim might internalize it or become used to it. Victims are
immediately aware of acute stress because it is new; while they mostly like to
ignore chronic stress because it is old and familiar.
Traumatic
stress: this arises as a result of the impact of an overwhelming tragedy
such as a serious accident or natural disaster such as earthquake or war. Many
veterans suffer this type of stress. Symptoms of traumatic stress may include
vivid memory of the trauma even several years after the event. Most victims are
sometime diagnosed with a condition called post traumatic stress disorder
(PTSD).
Degrees of stress
·
Hypo – stress – typified by boredom, lack of
stimulation.
·
Eustress – happiness, euphoria and elation.
·
Distress – anxiety, frustration and anger.
·
Hyper – stress – over
stress and systematic failure.
Symptoms of stress
Increased pulsation
Feeling of sweatiness
Looseness of bowels and
frequency of passing urine
Viz:
anxiety, body pain, insomnia, loss of appetite, reduced drive or extreme,
depression migraine, irritability physical fatigue, absent – mindedness, stubborn
skin disease, high blood pressure and gastrointestinal problems.
Psuedocyesis (false pregnancy)
Loss of interest in sex and self worth
(married ones)
Talkativeness
Aggression
Palpitation etc.
Consequences of stress
Stress and immune system: Researches
show that stress can suppress the immune system, opening the door to a number
of illnesses. It does make one sick but it increases the risk and chances of
being sick because of what it does to your immune system.
Core (1978) has really grouped the effects
of stress into five broad categories:
I.
Subjective
effect: such as anxiety, apathy, fatigue,
depression, nervousness, irritability and low self esteemed.
II.
Behavioural
effects: impulsive behaviour, excitability,
restlessness.
III.
Cognitive
Effect: poor
information processing and loss of money.
IV.
Physiological
effect: Increase in glucose, high blood pressure,
sweating, difficulty in breathing and excessive headache.
Management of stress
1.
Watch
what you eat: A healthy diet include all the six
classes of good (balanced diet) be
warned of refined food, saturated fat, alcohol and caffeine especially at
middle age of (45-65). Reduce your consumption of refined sugar and intake of
salt to the barest minimum after the age of 40.
2.
Talk
it out: When
something worries you, don’t bottle it up; confide your worries to someone you
can trust. Talking problems out help you to relieve your strain, to see your
worries in clearest light and often to see what you can do about it.
3.
Exercise:
“Bodily training is beneficial advises in
the bible (1 Tim 4:8) moderate but consistent exercise three times a week
strengthens the heart, improve circulation, lower cholesterol and reduces the
chances of heart attack (Okonkwo, 1999).
It also promotes a sense of well-being, increases self-esteem, reduces
anxiety and are beneficial to other physio-psycho-logical gains.
4.
Take
time out for recreation: every one should have a
hobby to absorb in his leisure time which would enable him forget about work.
Escape for a while: sometimes it helps to take a brief trip for a change of
scenery. Escaping might put you in a better condition emotionally to deal with
the problem, but don’t ‘escape’ with drug.
5.
Prayer:
cultivating a prayerful habit with
meditation can help you to remain calm.
6.
Tackle
a thing at a time: people under tension
commonly think of much work confronting them which cause them to develop
anxiety. When it happens, pitch into are urgent task, setting the rest a site
for the time being. Once you dispose of the matter first, the rest will become
much easier.
Also
you develop a laughing condition for yourself for yourself, maintain a sense of
humour, practice abdominal breathing, delegate responsibility, regular body
massage is necessary, relaxation is very important (with music, novel and
friends), go easy with life, sleep work magic (sheep in a comfortable************************************************
Introduction
To
court is to try to win the affections of a woman with a view to marriage while
courtship is a period during which this lasts.
As soon as boys and girls come to the age of marriage,
there is always a vital question that comes into their minds and this is “who
shall I marry”?
A wrong choice here can tragically wreck ones entire
life while on the other hand a right choice can make ones future to be bit of
heaven on earth.
There is nothing more normal and natural than the young
people of the opposite sex to be attracted to each other. Boys and girls have a
God-Given built-in attraction for each other. Girls for example should never be
ashamed of their desire for a husband, a home and children. Marriage is a
natural and God-blessed experience and so I want to chip in my own ideas of
courtship that will bring about a happy marriage.
Having
said what courtship is, what does courtship do?
Courtship affords two young people
the opportunity to study at close range the attitude and conducts and true
worth of each other, so as to know the areas and extent of future adjustment.
It would certainly be foolish for
people to suddenly marry without ever having paid any attention to each other
or without being mutually attracted and happy together. Some drift negatively
into marriage with little or no regard to the time and manner and choice of
partner, not minding that not everybody is marriageable by everybody and not
every situation is manageable by everybody. So, before choosing marriage as a
way of life at a certain period in one’s life with a certain person, one should
consider all the contingencies carefully, bearing in mind that it is God ordained
and a life time proposition. (What God has joined together, let no man put
asunder. Mtt. 19:6). The Bible encourages young people to consider marriage for
in Proverbs 18:22 it is written: “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and
obtains favours from the Lord”.
For one to achieve the above, there
are a number of things that should be considered at the commencement of
courtship. First, one has to be a
consecrated child of God in thoughts, words and actions. You should realize
that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost and therefore belongs to Christ.
Pray that God will lead you to choose the right person (your own missing rib)
Genesis 2:21 – 22. It is through constant humble and sincere prayer that you
find yours.
Never
under any circumstances consider marriage with a non-Christian. Deuteronomy 7:3 and 11Corinthians 6:14 spelt this
out. Those who seek your hand in marriage may be generous, rich, well-trained,
industrious, etc but unless they are Christians by faith in Jesus Christ, you
must not make them husbands or wives.
Failure to observe this basic law of
the scriptures has caused shipwreck in thousand of homes. Again, it is never a
sound judgment to choose a life partner merely because of a pretty face,
captivating eyes or nice legs. The physical features of some girls may not win
them beauty contest and yet many of these girls have the graces and virtues
that will keep them attractive throughout their entire life span of life. When
a man’s love for his wife is mainly based on her youth and beauty, that love
does not last long because those qualities soon fade away. One thing that is
worse than being a chronic bachelor or a chronic spinster is to marry a wrong
man or woman. Never enter into marriage relationship lightly. You should
prepare for it with as possible. Always look for virtues that abide the test of
time rather than for physical features especially love, kindness, gentleness
etc.
Danger of Courtship:
There are many things the
young people have to avoid during courtship; you have to realize that the devil
is always ready to lead you into sin. God has made the bodies of men and women
so that they attract each other. These are necessary for the reproduction of
the human race (Genesis 1:28). So sex experience is right only within the bounds
of true honourable marriage; any sex outside true marriage is naked and sinful.
The sin of fornication never occurs between two decent young people except
through kissing and petting. Once, you indulge in these, it is almost
impossible to avoid sex, for when you trigger the human body, the aroused
passion becomes stronger than the will and
you cannot definitely resist at this point. This is as true about the girls as
it is about the boys. So for the sake of God, your soul, your health and your
future, make a pledge early in life never’ to practice habits that will lead to
illicit sex relations.
Things to do:
There are lots of wholesome things
to do and worthwhile places to go during courtship. One of the best safeguards
to Pure Noble Courtship is a well planned date. It is when young people have
nothing to do that they practice habits that arouse unhealthy desires. Try
therefore to make your courtship purposeful and constructive.
The following may help you:
i.
Attend Church Services
together e.g Youth Organization, Bible Studies, Legion of Mary, Choir etc.
ii.
Attend pre-marriage
instructions where you learn a lot of profitable things that if well applied
will make your married life a successful one.
iii.
Organize visits to homes to
together.
iv.
Enjoy Christian Music, not
Jazz, Rock ‘n’ roll or Makossa.
v.
Watch decent films with a
lot of moral lessons, not our Nigerian films that in most cases have nothing
positive to offer.
Avoid
dating or taking out dance, night clubs, parks and sightseeing. Even if rightly
employed, they do not always offer full opportunity of exposing intending
partners fully to each other for close study and assessment.
Finally, note that Courtship does
not give the boy and the girl the right to sexual experience as this belongs to
marriage. Outside marriage, it lacks permanent and secure commitments of true
love. Therefore, the fiancés must exhibit a healthy well poised and mature
attitude towards sex during their period of courtship. They must realize that
the purpose of sex is something bigger and larger than mere pleasure and also
that the good moral use of sex is natural and enriching but any deviation from
it will lead to guilt and frustration.
It is therefore advisable for the
fiancés to maintain chaste association during the period of courtship through
frequent use of Sacraments, Personal and Liturgical Prayers. Having observed
all these safeguards, it is well assumed that the spouses have prepared
themselves well enough for their future marital association and partnership.
May God be with you as you do the
right thing.
PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE
INTRODUCTION
I
am happy to make a choice of this topic of interest to me especially where the
centre of many homes can no longer hold and where many young girls are itching
to go into marriage yet do not seem to survey the grounds as to why there is an
increase in divorce rate/inadequate love for wives and children in most homes
these days. Again even as our own marriage will fall apart, we as mothers do no
want to give our daughter and sons those little teachings that can help them
remain stable when they start off their own homes.
On the above, we came up with the
following: First, many of us thought
that marriage was a ‘bed of roses’ or a land flowing with milk and honey; so it
needed no sacrifice nor pain. Secondly, others felt that those who could not
stay in marriage were weak and never knew their rights. Lastly, yet a few may
have said that such people could not speak to their husbands in the face and
that they were timid. One can go on and on as to the reasons some of us gave,
but whichever, we have tested it now and can confidently speak for ourselves.
Well, marriage is a life long
obligation. It is a solemn contract. As you know, it is not easy to run away
from a solemn contract or to terminate it. Remember a home is like a sanctuary
and to toy with it is a sacrilege.
PART OF MARRIAGE
I
would like to quote from one of my papers as reported by Trobisch (1971) to
leave, to cleave and to become one flesh (they are inseparable) are the part of
marriage.
To
Leave
There must be clear separation from
one’s family if marriage is to take place. We all know it is hard, but we
cannot get married without leaving. If no leaving takes places then the
marriage would be in trouble. Up to this time and as old as most of us still
find it easy to let our sisters/brothers/mothers/fathers know when a quarrel
erupts between us and our husbands. In other words, we have not left. Finally,
you cannot really leave unless you have decided to cleave.
Cleave
The word cleave means to sick or to
be glued to a person. The husband and wife glue together like two pieces of
paper, hence, separating them means tearing both papers. Again cleaving means
that you are closest to each other. Nothing can exist between the two people. It
signifies love of a special nature that nothing existing can put asunder.
Becoming
One Flesh
I still lift my contributions from one of my papers on
marriage. Becoming One Flesh means two persons sharing everything they have,
not only their material possessions but also their thinking, feelings, joy,
suffering, hope, fears, success and their failures. It further means one soul
and spirit and yet there remain two different persons. Here you have nothing to
hide about yourself. The Bible said “and the man and wife were both naked and
were not ashamed” (Gen 2:25). “Naked and not ashamed” is for those who have
been publicly and legally married. This is what the Bible means by the word “to
know” Adam knew Eve his wife (Gen. 4:1).
Another
very important fact about the Bible is: (Gen. 24) “therefore a man leaves his
father and his mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh. The
Bible did not add children. So it means that the child does not make a
marriage. This means that barrenness is no reason for divorce (be it from the
man or woman).
MARITAL VIRTUES:
Love
After
a wedding ceremony, a certificate was presented to the man and he said: I now
remember something very important to me. My wife, before everybody, promised to
love, honour and cherish but did not promise to obey. He went back to the
pastor to complain, but the pastor said: The first, and that is love, covers
everything. “But so many people love me”, the man said. The pastor replied: Go home
you would see the “. What does this mean to us? Love for your husband is equal
to none. The love is sacrificial, patient, kind, gentle, enduring and never
boastful.
Other
virtues Include:
Togetherness,
Forgiveness, Communication, Trust, Sharing, Fidelity, Understanding, Prayers.
COMPONENTS
OF THE WOMAN IN MARRIAGE
Housewife
She
ensures that the entire family is catered for. This is done by feeding the
family very well, keeping the house clean and making sure that the husband has
a home to come back to. She looks at the faces of the family to make sure that
the physical, mental, spiritual emotional and psychological aspects are met and
enriched.
Mother
Mothers
have been endowed with noble qualities and these have been given to them for
particular reasons. As Cardinal Griffin once said: “the sphere of women, their
way of life and native inclination is maternity”. Marcus underscores the point
by saying: “every woman is made to be a mother, mother in physical significance
of the word or in the most spiritual and elevated senses, but no less real”.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PSYCHO-EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS
THAT MAY CAUSE PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE
Suspicion
Staying too late in
the office.
Beating
Dishonesty
Building up flimsy
excuses/reasons.
Not responding to
love making.
Looking down on
one’s husband.
Not understanding
his likes and dislikes.
Excessive drinking
Infidelity
Barrenness/impotence
ANTI-SOCIAL PROBLEMS
Gossiping
Being
extravagant/expensive
Competition
Having
bad friends
Uncompromising
attitude, inability to move along with others.
Impatience
Discrimination
Being
on the children’s side when corrections are given by father.
MANAGEMENT
Poor
cooking
Man’s
eye in everything
Bad
behaviour of children
Poor
academic performance of children
No
helping handed
Too
many children\inadequate concern for the grown up ones.
Poor
spacing of children.
Lack
of acknowledgement/appreciation by husband.
Husband
not having a listening ear.
Untidy
home
Inadequate
feeding money/not providing at all.
Not
setting priorities right.
Not
resourceful
No
time for family
Not
religious/prayerful.
DEPENDANTS
Wife’s
mother and other relation’s intrusion.
Too
many dependants.
Problems
of mother-in-law and relations of husband.
Refusing
her/his dependants hospitality.
SEXUAL PROBLEMS
Being
dirty
Not
romantic –dampening the spirit of a man, not playing the child in you, petting,
etc.
Always
shy when sex is discussed in the right sense and display immaturity.
Feeling
like making love but shy to request and later vent the anger on the man.
Working
yourself out and having it as an excuse especially when he is looking fir it.
Suggestions
Marriage is what you
have chosen and what it to be. You can try the following to cushion off or
shield yourself from problems by examining these facts:
1.
The very first thing is
acceptance of the man you call your husband (for better for worse).
2.
Prayers and petitions to
God.
3.
Understand your husband
likes and dislikes.
4.
Disabuse your mind of all
suspicious about him.
5.
See your husband’s people
as yours.
6.
Show him unquantifiable love.
7.
Be a mother to him.
8.
Be a very good cook and
always keep the house clean.
9.
Dress him.
10. Be
sympathetic.
11. Discus
matters privately.
12. Avoid
anything he does not like.
13. Avoid
being extravagant/expensive.
14. Use
the TLC/romantic voice and hands of yours when it is appropriate.
15. Always
read his mind from his countenance, etc.
16. Be
neat always.
17. Avoid
gossips
18. Do
not pry into his affairs.
19. Be
willing to give in when he wants to make love to you.
20. Plan
on the number of children to have so that you can train them.
Conclusion:
in all, prayer is the key to every thing. Remember with prayers, God will help
the barren to become fruitful, unfaithful to become faithful. So do not allow
your marriage to shatter. Again, do not shatter another person’s marriage so
that the Creator, the only Judge and the only Arbiter amongst men would be just
to you.
References
Demos,
S. (1975). The happiest people on earth. U.S.A Fleming H. Revell
Company.
Njoku, C.U. (200). My ambition as a prospective mother:
Preparing for task ahead. A lead paper presented to the Nigeria Federation
of Catholic Students, All Saints Chaplaincy of the Federal Polytechnic, Nekede,
Owerri. August, 19th.
Njoku, C.U. (2002). Marriage and the Human Person: The feminine
perspective. A Memorial Lecture Organized by Committee of Friends for her
late member on 20th February at the FSP Mbari Park, Owerri, Imo
State.
Trobisch, W. (1971).
I married you. England. Inter-Varsity
Press.
THE
WORK IN FAMILY “CHILD UP BRINGING”
PREAMBLE
According to the Concise Oxford Dictionary (1998),
training is the art or process of teaching or learning skill, discipline etc.
proverbs 22:6 says “teach a child the way he should go, he will not stray from
it while he lives”. So the teaching and training of children is one of a
parent’s greatest life responsibilities. If we fail at home, it is uncertain if
we have really succeeded anywhere. Our children can learn to love God and grow
up wit the values we believe in if properly guided. From the very beginning, a
parent influences a child toward good or evil. This he does through
communication.
The process of parent-child
communication actually begins before birth as a mother communicates warmth and
security to an unborn child. From the day of his birth, a child quickly learns
to communicate with a world that seems hostile to his existence. When he is
hungry or feels pain, he screams. With the mother’s physical comfort, he soon
learns what love is. What he then becomes in life is up to the parents.
Parents, therefore, can mould the future of their children by example and by
their attitudes just to mention a few.
BY EXAMPLE
The conscious effort of little children to mimic their
parents in whatever they do or say is an indication that the life-style of a
parent is of great importance. A child that lives with criticism, hostility,
ridicule and shame, learns to condemn and fight always. A child that lives with
tolerance, encouragement and praise, learn patience, confidence and justice;
while a child that lives with security, approval, acceptance and friendship,
learns to have faith, learns to love self and finds love in the world.
Parents seem oblivious of the fact that example is the
greatest force that moulds our offspring into our own likeness. 1st
Timothy 4:12 say “Let no one reproach you on account of your youth. Be a model
to the be a model to the believers in the way you speak and act, in your love,
your faith and your faith and purity of life”. Little did one parent realize
that when he drove across town commenting on the faults of other drivers, he
was teaching his son who sat by his side. When the mother asked her son about
the trip, the trip, the little boy replied: “mummy, I enjoyed it because we saw
three idiots, four fools and two dunces on the road’. The father was
embarrassed. He never expected his little boy to give a recital of what he had
said; neither did he know the effect of his utterances on the boy. The subtlety
of example is that, in most cases, the parent is unaware that a son or
